Toxic waste isn’t good for ya. Plain and simple right? When it comes to WLS success, there are things we need to avoid like they are a barrel of toxic waste or there will be “adverse health effects”, just like the sign here says.
The first one I want to touch on here is selflessness. If you want to have long term WLS success, you’re going to need to learn to be selfish, or in other words you need to learn to put you and your needs ahead of those of others.
Before I was a former fat dude, I was pretty lucky. I had a number of great friends that did like me for me. But there were always these nagging feelings in the back of my mind, especially when it came to any sort of relationship with women. And these nagging feelings, I know now, led me to do things for others that I really shouldn’t have, simply to get that feeling of acceptance, the feeling of being needed by others.
Like I said, this was very much the case with some of my relationships with women – I mean heck, being kept around, even if it was just a friend was great right? Being someone they would turn to… being the shoulder they would cry on. It was the greatest thing in the world, but it was something. And it can be easy to get caught up in feeling that it’s better than nothing.
And I know I knew at the time this wasn’t a good thing for me. But that’s cause I wasn’t sure I would have known how to say no if I wanted to. And actually, deep down, it’s not that I didn’t want to say no. It’s just the need to be needed was greater. And the part of me that didn’t get something out of this… well, that was cushioned, protected, kept more or less sated by eating and that buffer of weight I carried with me.
But now, to continue to be so selfless, I know would be to invite WLS failure… or at least greatly increase the chance of it.
See, to make this work I have to think of myself first. Nobody else is going to do so… and even if others are encouraging and supportive, if I don’t continue to look out for my best interests I will end up failing at this. I’ll fall back in to old habits that will feed old insecurities, and like a barrel of toxic waste those insecurities will burn away at me and the success I’ve had.
Ok, fine… I’m not talking being a prick about it. Not a jerk, not even really being a meanie about it. But you plain and simply need to learn to think of yourself first.
Steps towards this include:
- It’s ok to say “no” to your friends and family at times.
- That taking the time to take care of yourself is not only the best thing for you, but it’s good for others as well.
- That it’s ok to put the needs/wants of others before, IF IT IS YOUR CHOICE to do so, and you’re not just reacting to the situation.
By taking care of yourself, it means you will be a stronger, healthier person who in the end will be able to much more for yourself and those around you.
Before my wls, I suffered from guilt when I put my own needs first. I thought I was the world’s worst selfish person. So I kept pushing MY needs aside, I thought somehow it was better to put others and their needs first, ahead of my own. I see that was just stupid! I was being a martyr, but you know that it hurt me in the end!
Now, I do not feel guilty about putting MY needs first. A few things I do for me are: exercise, take vitamins/supplements, blog & work on my website, speak at wls related programs, spend time with a friend at Starbucks who needs help with protein, and I don’t volunteer all MY time to helping others achieve THEIR selfish needs/wants. I give my time in ways I love… Thanks for the reminder!