I have been suffering from a serious lack of motivation the last few weeks, and I don’t know why. I haven’t been exercising as much as I usually do, I’ve been … Not so much eating worse stuff, but I know I’m eating at times I’m not really hungry. Ok, fine. I have also been eating things I don’t need to be. Cookies, chocolate covered pretzels, and more breads than I typically would.
I’ve also been ignoring a number of things I should be working on. Before taking a chunk of yesterday – I hadn’t done much house cleaning in weeks either. In fact I had to spend about 20 minutes un-clogging my vacuum cleaner before I could even use it. Laundry? Well, I mostly kept up on that because I need clothes to wear on a daily basis, but even most of my clean clothes were still in the laundry basket (most of the rest were in a pile.. a clean one… on the floor.
Then there’s work. I’ve spent way too much time reading digital comics on marvel.com or watching stuff on hulu instead of working on things for my nutritional coaching business that I REALLY need to be working on. I haven’t even blogged much here for a few weeks. I really had wanted to make an effort to do the noblomo (November Blogging Month) deal where I was going to post every day. Granted, it was going to be across multiple sites that I do, not just here, but still. That just kinda of slipped away as well.
Other than the prep for a couple radio shows, I don’t think I’ve done anything particularity productive since I got back from Portland. And even that stuff was half-done before hand and the rest was kind of procrastinated as long as I was able to.
I’ve gotten a couple things done the last couple days. The afore mentioned cleaning, and I did some research and writing up of some reference materials I plan to use when it comes to some stuff on vitamins. But… it wasn’t much really.
I don’t know what’s got me in this slump, and I don’t like it.
I know I’m up a few pounds – which while the number isn’t a huge issue, my jeans are feeling a but on the snug side. That’s the “warning sign” for me. It’s telling me my prevention is off track.
I know what I need to do. I need to get my portions under control. I need to get my “snacking” under control. I need to get more active again.
Easier said than done, right?
Is it a seasonal thing? I don’t think so, I mean, we’ve had some (relatively) great weather around here lately. It’s been a mild fall all the way around.
Maybe it’s a money thing? I’m not feeling stressed per se. I think. But like so many right now, money is a problem. Well, the lack of it. My nieces and nephew will be getting some small gifts this year. A few select others will be getting some home-made stuff. I can’t say what, cause some of them read this blog. And I already know they’ll say I don’t have to do anything for them, but honestly… It’s not an option. I can’t tell you exactly why, it just isn’t.
And I can’t tell you exactly why things are off track for me right now. Again, I go back to stress…
But if it is, it’s not like the stress as I think, as I remember how it used to be. I think. Maybe it’s like how certain foods and drinks taste has changed (as far as what I like and don’t like) has changed, so too has how things like stress feel for me has changed. Cripes that’s one heck of a clumsy sentence.
Ok, before surgery, my daily drink was Coca-Cola. Now, full strength crystal lite, heck, regular Gatorade is too sweet for my taste buds. I used to think eating asparagus was akin to chewing on sticks. Now, grill me up some, toss with some balsamic vinegar and I’ll go to town.
Now I’ve talked about how I’ve changed more than just the physical. How I’ve changed (some might say grown) emotionally as well. So maybe I am more stressed than I’m giving myself credit for, but since things have changed… maybe I’m not recognizing it for what it is? Cause honestly, I think I’m feeling pretty calm overall. I don’t have the anxiety and such one would think of when they talk about being stressed. But maybe I’m just not recognizing this for what it is?
I don’t know.
But, I suppose one of the first steps is taking a look at this, try and figure out what’s going on. Cause if you don’t know what’s “broken”, you can’t begin to fix it. And since writing here has been part of my “treatment” since surgery, I figure just putting this all out there, getting it down on paper so to speak, it’s a good first step, no?
If nothing else, I suppose it is an affirmation that this, that bariatric surgery is not a “quick fix”.
That my gastric bypass was not a “cure”. It was a step in the right direction, part of a means towards an end. No, that’s not right either. Because this won’t end. I was trying to avoid the “tool” metaphor, but I guess it does fit best. It is one tool in the kit towards a healthier me. A tool I need to continue to make use of, and use properly, in order to prevent going back to where I was.
Forgive the rambling. As usual, I share what I do in order to help others, and maybe this will help
someone else. Maybe they’ll see something in themselves in this, something they’ve been through. Something they’re going through now. But honestly, I’m gonna be selfish for a moment. I don’t even know if this will be of help to me not, but it’s something I had to do.
I know exactly what you’re talking about Rob. I’ve been going through the same thing… so discouraging! Having to “make” myself do what I gotta do is not fun, although once I get started it’s not so bad. It’s just the “getting started” part. At least for some of the things.
I’m glad you wrote this today.
:)
I appreciate you being so real and I’m sure all your other readers do too. With any obstacle in life there are ups and downs and it is important to acknowledge them, like in your writing. Focus on the positives and things will keep going in the right direction!
I once went to a seminar where the topic was anxiety. After asking a question, the speaker said it’s not always important to know the reason for the anxiety, but just work on the problem at hand. My after-thought, the reason sometimes becomes more clear later. Like most people, I struggle with motivation every day. One thought that just came to me that I’m going to try is: “Act as if….” I’m going to act as if I don’t like candy, and I’m going to act as if I really do like to drink THAT much water, etc.
You are a strong person, Rob! You CAN continue to choose to be healthy.