I know, it’s been a while since I last posted. In some ways, nothing is new, nothing has changed. I’m still working multiple jobs, trying to make time to keep up with my studying, not havint the time to exercise… no… not having the motivation to make the time to exercise like I should and overall not getting enough sleep or eating entirely as I should. Unfortunately my weight, while a it higher than I would like seems to be pretty stable as well. I say unfortunately because it makes it harder to get motivated to get fully back on track.

But on the other side of the coin, things have also changed drastically. My grandmother passed away just over a week ago, I think I’m being booked for a speaking engagement for a local WLS event in October, I haven’t been doing the social media thing much lately, which feels both odd and comforting at the same time. I’ve made some great connections when it comes to my business and radio show stuff. I’m also parting ways with an organization I’ve been involved with for nearly two years now… and I wish I could say it is happening on good terms, but…

The whole incident has been shaking me up a lot more than I thought it would. Which is weird, because it is like I can better describe how this situation makes me feel than I can tell you how I really feel about the passing of my grandma. Which in turn only seems to further indicate to me that I need to take the advice I recently shared with someone on Facebook; “get some therapy”.

Connie Stapleton’s new book, THRIVING! Triumph Over Trauma. Real Life Stories of Recovery from Obesity is coming out next week at the WLSFA Meet & Greet. It’s a collection of stories from folks who have tackled their obesity through weight loss surgery. Connie put out a call for submissions last year, and I didn’t really consider submitting anything. Honestly, as it relates to what I thought she was looking for, I wasn’t sure I had much of a story to tell. As her deadline approached, I guess she felt she needed more stuff, and from guys in particular so she reached out to me and asked if I could come up with something for the book.

We had corresponded a bit via email, but I finally met her face to face in Vegas last year and she has been a great supporter since. I saw her again when I was Portland last year, she joined me on my radio show once, and we’ve kept in contact via email and such. So when she said she needed some help, I had to try. I thought I didn’t have much to say, but once I got going… I ended up sending her a document that was just over 5 pages long. I don’t know how much, or what parts of it made it in to the book. I guess I’ll find out next week. While I would prefer to just get an ebook copy if it’s available, I’ll likely get a printed copy to have Connie sign for me.

Anyways, to tie this back to where I sort of started. I ended up writing a fair amount on the emotional side of things. I don’t recall off the top of my head if I’ve said this “out loud” here or anything, but … well, I guess in a number of ways I feel emotionally stunted. Ok, it sounds weird using the term “feel” when describing how I have a lack of feeling…? And I’m not saying there’s anything unique about me here. It’s just that the things that happened through my life to make me who I am, they just didn’t seem to foster the best of environments for emotional growth.

I’m not blaming anyone… not my mom or dad or anything. I know both of them had things that influenced them as they grew up, etc. It is just one of those things that… is what is.

Just as I sought the help of the surgery in order to get my weight to a healthy level, maybe it’s time to seek some professional help my emotional health as well. Only problem is, I don’t have insurance and I am trying to figure out how I’m going to afford the rent increase hitting me in July, let alone an additional expense such as that. More motivation to get my business rocking I guess.

So yea, that’s what I’ve been up to. With the Meet & Greet coming up next week, I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of friends, old and new, maybe spend some quality time with my Mom who is coming with. I’ll be leading a panel discussion – the Mighty Men’s Metabolic Panel – posing some questions to them about live as a guy who has had WLS as well as a couple participants who are the spouses of women who have had WLS. Be sure to come see us!

So I’m in the shower… (no, this isn’t gonna be THAT kind of a post) and my thoughts wander to some stuff I want to post about today, cause it’s been waaaaay too long. And there’s just something relaxing about a nice hot shower that lets my mind wander rather nicely.

I went out for a walk/run this morning, going through the Couch to 5K stuff again, trying to get my running game back on… so my phone was still playing music as I was showering. I was formulating thoughts in my head on what I wanted to write about… I need to include some thoughts on the bit of weight that’s creeping up on me. My size 33 shorts are still fitting, but they are a bit snug when I put them on right out of the dryer.

Most people who see me (unless you’re right there as I step out of the shower I suppose… but like I said, it wasn’t gonna be THAT kind of a post) wouldn’t notice the difference. I do, and I’m determined to do something about it. Thus, getting up at 5am the other morning to go for a walk/run, going for a bike ride after work Friday, and another walk/run this morning.

Anyways, as I turn off the water and grab for my towel, one song ends, and another begins.

Dido, Live at Brixton Academy.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
but I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

Wow.

Isn’t it ironic?

Wait, wrong artist.

See… besides being Sunday… besides being Easter… today is the 3-year anniversary of my bariatric surgery.

Now, I’m not trying to say this is exactly how I’m feeling. I mean, I feel safe. And overall, I’m happy. In many ways I’m happier than I have been in … I couldn’t tell you how long. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been. I realize it’s not Thanksgiving, and while I’m not particularily religous I know I have a lot to be thankful/grateful for in my life right now.

So yes. I’m “happy”. But I think it’s more about being happy (mostly) where I am at, and happy (mostly) with where I am going. But overall, am I just plain happy? I’m not sure.

Maybe it’s because I’m not feeling deep in my own world… Working two jobs that don’t bring in enough money to pay my bills, trying to do other side things to bring money in while also developing my health coaching business and make time for exercise and even ocassionally getting out to do something fun like a bike ride with a friend or maybe some paintball. Am I in too deep? Sorry, different artist again.

And maybe it’s the feeling lonely. It’s been nearly a year since I was in my last relationship. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to be in another. But… I don’t know. With everything I have going on, with everything I need to do to get to the next place I need to be (as in a stable career that allows me to pay my bills, etc), it seems like adding a relationship in to that right now isn’t… well, let’s put it this way. I’m already feeling stretched to my limit, tring to add more will mean something will suffer. And that wouldn’t be fair to anyone I were to possibly get involved with and/or to myself in regards to my career path, etc.

I don’t have any magic answer here. It’s just .. it just is right now. I’m sure part of why I’m eting more than I need to be lately, eating things I don’t need to be lately, is in part due to the the lonliness. Well, I’ve typically called it “boredom eating”. But I think it’s deeper than that. Knowing that, and fixing it are two different things. But it is a start I suppose. Knowing is half the battle right? I’m aware. I’m not just ignoring it.

I know it will get better.

I know I will be happy again.

It just takes time.

I first met Sarah online a couple years ago through her YouTube videos… and in person in 2010 at the first Vegas Meet & Greet. She was one of the main organizers along with Andrea. And she’s a sweetheart.(well, they both are!) I got to see her again, briefly, in Vegas last year. And she was even nice enough to give me a ride from my hotel to a meeting I was having just before leaving… saving me a HUGE cab fare.

As one of the organizers of the first M&G, Sarah was… in a round about way… instrumental in the formation of the WLSFA. As such, Sarah was awarded the inaugural grant for reconstructive surgery. She had her surgery with Dr. Katzen last September and at the time, they documented the whole thing because they were working on a pilot for a possible TV show… and that pilot is about to air.

The Real Skinny is going to air Monday, March 12th at 10PM EDT on TLC, and Sarah’s story is part of the pilot episode. If you have TLC, check it out… then let me know how it was, cause.. I don’t have cable. Anyways, here’s a bit of a preview.

For the last year or so, I’ve worked a less than ideal job. It uses none of my skill-set, take no mental effort on my part, makes it way too easy for me to sit on my arse way too much, and even though I’d been working six days a week, putting in 54 hours each week, it doesn’t cover my expenses. I took on a second job to pay for the classes I’m taking and have always had to find ways to make another couple hundred bucks a month in order to keep my head above water.

But on the flip-side, it’s been the ideal job for me… at this time. Because I sit in front of a computer most of the day, waiting for something that needs my attention, I am able to use that time to do other things. Like study, blog, and try to build my nutritional coaching business. They’re also very flexible when I need/want to take off for a couple hours for a meeting or a seminar or something. So yea, not the ideal job overall, but I’ve made it work for where I’m at right now.

As I’ve been trying to focus more and more on building my business, I’ve done so with the idea that by late-spring/early-summer I would be able to drop a couple days here to have more time dedicated to that. Well, those plans just got fast-tracked on me. Thursday I found out I am no longer working 6-days/54-hours a week. Instead I’m working 5-days/27.5 hours. Half of what I was.

So… my hours for March should cover my rent, and maybe my electric/gas bill.

I’m not here to dwell on that… I’ve got other things in the works that I hopefully can ramp up. It will be tight, but … well, I’ll make it work.

Problem is, this weekend, I ate crap. A lot of it. Well, a lot more than usual anyways. See, I worked 7am-10pm every day last week, Saturday I did the radio show followed by working 11-10 – with a couple hour break in there to go home and let the plumber in to install a new water meter.

There were the brownies on Saturday that .. we’re very good… but I could have gotten by with less than half of what I ate. Then yesterday was my last Sunday shift here. I didn’t pack a lunch… my kitchen is a disaster area right now (see above for reason why). So I walked to the grocery store on the next block and picked up a couple bean burrito, salsa, and… a bag of chips and a container of sour cream.

Over the course of about the next six hours I managed to put away both the burritos and nearly half the bag of chips with a goodly portion of the sour cream and salsa.

sigh.

I pretty much figured I would end up polishing off the rest of the chips today.

Well, I can’t remember where I first heard or read this, and it may not of even been about food, but there’s a quote I like to tell others that are struggling that is along the lines of…

“No matter how badly you feel you’ve screwed up, you’re just one meal away from being back on track.”

I got to work this morning… looked at that half-full bag of chips sitting here, grabbed it with both hands and squeezed. Gave my fingers about a 10-second work-out, turning those delicious tasting corn tortillas to crumbs. The bag went in the trash, followed shortly by the sour cream. The salsa stays, I can use that in a “healthy” way.

The point is, it was my turn to walk the talk… I was just that one step away from being back on track.

Yesterday was Tuesday. For some people it was also Valentines day.

It’s not like I am a cynic or anything, but I will say I’m glad I wasn’t faced with any sort of overt celebration of anything during the day yesterday. I worked both my main jobs yesterday, so the day ended up going by rather quickly, and uneventfully. Overall I’m pretty ambivalent about the whole Valentines day thing.

The other day, on Google+, one friend posted an item that I spotted when another shared it… I’m copying it here for you to check out.

It’s easy to forget. You’re at a restaurant with your friends and they’ve brought their wife, their husband, their boyfriends and girlfriends. They’re laughing and talking and drinking–maybe their hands touch. They smile at each other and they seem so happy.

And you try to be happy too–but you feel sometimes that you are all alone. Maybe you wonder why you can’t find someone like they have, maybe you did have something like that and through time and human mistakes (theirs or yours) you lost it. Maybe you’ve already convinced yourself you aren’t worth it. No one will love you like that.

So the flowers never arrive. The cards are passed over your head. The chocolates are only for you in front of the T.V. with your favorite movie or your favorite game. Or you’re just going to sit here and drink and pretend that you aren’t thinking about getting up to punch that one guy who keeps singing that stupid love song every half hour during karaoke night.

It gets heavy. You think that you’ll always be alone. You think that it’s your fault. You think that you don’t deserve it.

You do. Every single person–even if it’s just a little while–deserves to know they are loved.

There’s someone out there waiting for you. It might take a bit, but don’t give up.

And if you’re lonesome while you are waiting, know that I love you. It’s not the love you want, but maybe it’s the little love you need to get you through until tomorrow.

So don’t forget–because it’s easy to do–someone, somewhere, loves you.

I posted a response, the first line of which read “ have you been reading my diary?”

It was a joke. Mostly. I don’t have a diary. I have this blog, which is actually read by a couple people here and there. I added a few other thoughts in that comment on G+, and as the thoughts simmered with me over the course of the day I decided I should post about it here. Some of these things I touched on during my talk in Portland last year, some of them I may have eluded to here in the past, but maybe this post will wrap them up all together with a nice bow. Or not.

You see, year ago, back when I was still very much a “fat dude”, I had resigned myself to being alone. I had been in a couple relationships through my 20s. and by few I mean .. a few… as in two, maybe three? I maybe dated one or two others, but there was nothing of much significance. None of them lasted very long really. Even back in High School. I had a girl friend for a brief period in 10th grade, and another briefly in 12th. In my early 30′s there was another couple of brief attempts at relationships that didn’t go anywhere.

See, for the most part I kept getting into these relationships for the wrong reasons. I was picking these women not so much because of my feelings for them, but rather based on feelings I thought they might have for me. I’m not saying there wasn’t attraction on my part, at least on a physical level. But beyond that, they didn’t last because … well for a variety of reasons. But as most folks that have struggled with weight issues can tell you, you often find yourself in a relationship with someone not because of your feelings for them, but because of  the idea that they have feelings for you. And you end up telling yourself, probably on a subconscious level, that it’s good enough, because deep down you are afraid. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of looking at your own true feelings. Whatever, but you get so wrapped up in the prospect that someone might actually like you that you “settle”. You accept it as good enough, because to ask for  more, to find someone that likes you that you also like… well, that’s just not gonna happen. So you take what you can get.

I know that’s what I did. It was safer that way. After years of being in the background, never being the guy that turns the girls heads when you walk in a room, after the rejections, the jokes, the looks… you settle.

It got to the point where I actually had resigned myself, I made the conscious decision that was going to grow old alone.

I would joke about it of course, in that self-deprecating manner so many of us become adept at. I would say I was going to be that old guy, sitting on the front steps watering the grass with the hose. I’d be wearing my Bermuda shorts with black socks and sandals. And I would threaten to spray any kids that got too close to my lawn. That was joke part, see, cause I never wear sandals, let alone with black socks.

Yea, the idea of that actually coming true pretty much sucked. But I believed that’s how it would be.

Then I met “her”. To this day, I don’t know what it was about her that just… well, it sounds cliche… but she turned my world upside down. Here I am, my mid-30s and this was the first woman in my life that I actually pursued. And despite being near my heaviest weight at the time of around 340, I actually started “wearing her down”. Sort of. We developed a strong friendship right away, and before much longer we were in to a relationship, sort-of, but it still wasn’t normal.

We had met through a group activity I was involved in at the time and so we ended up with pretty much the same social circles. But things were very different betwen us when we were with friends versus when we were alone. I found ways to rationalize it to myself, because I … I was happy. Here was someone I liked that seemed to like me as well. She was the first women I could say I loved. To this day, those times together were some of the best I’ve ever had. I should have known it wouldn’t last.

The fact that she ended up with a guy that was less than half my size, well – let’s just say that it didn’t do my self-esteem any favors.

I was in a tail-spin. I went through a period of depression where I lost nearly 50 pounds in a matter of months. Not a weight-loss method I would recommend by the way. As I recovered from that, the weight came back with a vengeance and I was soon over 350… then 360… and before long my heaviest ever, somewhere over 380.

A few years after that, I fell back in to the habit of getting in to a relationship based more on how I thought the other person felt, not because of what my own feelings really were. And of course that didn’t last. It wasn’t much longer after that I made the decision to have bariatric surgery.

By about 6 months after surgery I had lost well over 100 pounds and was feeling pretty good so I started trying some online dating. Met a few very nice women. Was briefly involved with one woman who was recently divorced. She was very accepting of my having had surgery and we had some good times together, but after a couple months we both came to the conclusion that neither of was “ready”. It was too soon after her divorce and too soon after my surgery.

It was nearly 8 months later before I would try again, and after a number of near misses, I met someone that I clicked with. We had a whirlwind of a relationship that lasted over six months when …  well… in her words, it was something to the effect of how I wasn’t making her feel wanted. I think I knew this, but after thinking about it more I realized it’s not because I didn’t want her, but more because I’m “broken”.

I’m not saying that to be self-deprecating or anything. I mean it in all sincerity. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. Yes, there are certain things about relationships that are instinctual I suppose. But there are a number of things about being in a relationship that have to be learned. And maybe that’s what the whole dating ritual is about… from high school on up. It’s practice. It’s about doing something over and over in order to learn how to do it better. It’s gaining experience. And despite the relationships I was in, I did have, I don’t have that experience because they were all the wrong sorts of relationships. They were relationships I was in for the wrong reasons, they were relationships I wasn’t ever really fully a part of.

Part of what I a good at (I think) is being a friend. Going back over the decades, when it came to women, I was “the nice guy”, the guy that hangs out with you at the bars, hearing you talk about the hot guys on the other side of the dance floor. The guy sitting there realizing that there likely isn’t anyone in that group of women on the other side of the dance floor looking over and talking to her friends that way about you.

Don’t get me wrong here, I am blessed to have the friendships I do. I have friends I love dearly, that I know love me. Friends I know I can turn to for help just as much as they know they can turn to me. No, it’s not the same. Friends are fine when your feeling alone, but loneliness is a whole ‘nother story.

There’s the saying “it’s better to have loved and lost…”, sometimes I’m not so sure. Sometimes I lean more towards “ignorance is bliss”, but I can’t change the past.

So instead, well right now I’m keeping myself occupied. Occupied working too many jobs for too little money as I try to build a new career for myself. I continue to take steps towards an overall better life, do things to try and improve myself on various levels. And eventually, if I’m lucky, that’s going to include a relationship with someone.

In the mean time, I hope you had a nice Tuesday.

It’s Friday again.. time for another new lunge. I first have to admit that I didn’t do so great this week. I got my 60 lunges each day on Sunday and Monday, but since Tuesday I’ve been fighting a head cold. It’s been a back and forth battle between a sore throat and sore sinuses. Either way, I seem to be on the losing end. I am feeling a bit better today and will try to get some lunges in yet today and tomorrow… but not sure if I’ll hit 300 for the week. Maybe I’ll break it up in to two smaller sessions each day? The ones I did do though, yea, they were working very different muscles than the last couple weeks.

Anyways, starting Sunday it’s a new week, and a new lunge… one called the Curtsy Lunge. Based on the name, I’m not sure that I, as a dude, want to be doing these in public. Check out the video below to see what they’re all about.

And of course I have to give a shout out to Alysa over at Inspired RD for inspiring the whole lunge club thing in the first place.

There’s a recent video interview and slideshow video out about a girl name Betsy. A couple years ago, at the age of 12, Betsy had a gastric sleeve procedure done by Dr. Alvarez of Endobariatrics. Dr. Alvarez also happens to be Betsy’s uncle. This first video is the slideshow… showing Betsy as an obese child up until where she is currently, a very fit looking teen. It only takes a few minutes… take a look, I’ll be here when you’re done.

So what’d you think? Me, I have to quote Beth on this one (I found the video above initially on her site).

Torn.

For those of us who were obese as kids… we know the cruelty that other kids can inflict… both intentionally and not. In middle school I was called “porky portinga” by a few. And I can remember the mental anguish I put myself through over things like how tight the 8th grade school uniform was on me. And I wish I could say it’s something that the kids grow out of… but when it comes to how the obese are treated there’s way too many adults that are as bad, and worse.

So on the one hand, I can understand the desire to put a stop to that sort of thing in any way possible. And generally we can’t change others, so it can be easier to change ourselves. But then again, there’s noting truly easy about bariatric surgery. And the changes that it not only imposes on a person, but the ones it then also requires of the person in order to maintain a long term success… cripes, I know I wasn’t ready for something like that at 22… or 32… let alone 12.

Based on the video above, the later photos shown, I thought Betsy had to be in her late teens at this point and I was heartened to see she’d been able to keep things going so well for what seemed to be a number of years. Then I watched the video below… here, go check it out, again, it’s just a few minutes long.

In this one, we find out Betsy is now 14. She’s two years post-op. There’s no denying she’s doing great… but at the same time, she’s barely out of the honeymoon phase. So I’m very much back to being torn.

Now, Betsy may do very well long term. I’m not trying to say she can’t do this. But she also has an advantage over most folks, let alone most kids – her uncle is the one that did her surgery. She has someone that will (hopefully) be there for her for the long haul when it comes to continue support and education. I’m also more than a little curious about who paid for her procedure as I believe there are few, if any, insurance companies covering bariatric surgery for kids.

And it’s important to point out, she’s still barely a teen, and while I have no kids of my own… I’ve got plenty of friends who do and if my little glimpses are any indication… well, sure, the whole rebellious teen thing may get overplayed at times, but these sorts of things are always based on at least some bit of truth.

So yea. I’m torn.

Much in the same way I am torn on the lowering of BMI requirements for gastric banding surgeries. Is broadening the eligibility, be it through age or BMI, really help those who would now be considered on the fringes? The merits of helping people in these situations turn things around before they become much worse, before the “damage is done” so to speak (both mentally and physically) outweigh the risks of these folks not taking the procedures as serious, jeopardizing the long-term success?

I don’t have the answer… do you?

I think anyone who has had kids, babysat kids, has had young kids as nieces or nephews, whatever… we all know that kids reach a certain age and they go through the “why stage”. Where it seems like the only word in their vocabulary is “why?”. I don’t need to give examples, you know what I’m talking about. And I think we all get to that point where we break down and answer “because”. “Because it is.” Because I said so”, and so on.

Well, I think we all need to revert back to childhood a bit and start asking “why?” a lot more.

If you’re a pre-op, you are going to be getting a ton of information thrown at you as you prepare for bariatric surgery. Please, don’t ever be afraid to ask why. Why can’t I can drink with my meals? Why do I need to focus on protein first? Why do I need to take so many supplements. Ask away! Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more prepared you will be. What other cliches can I throw at you here?

I’m serious though. Ask questions… of your doctor, your nurse, your surgeon, your peers. Especially your weight loss surgery peers – most of us never get tired of helping others down the wonderful road we’ve taken ourselves.

But asking “why” doesn’t stop there. Last year I took a bit of flack on a forum out there for asking “why”. See, someone had posted a question asking how soon after surgery before they could start drinking wine again. There were the usual answers.. “at least a year”, “what does your surgeon say”, things like that. But I felt there was a key question missing there. “Why?”

With everything we put ourselves through in order to prepare for, get through and survive this surgery…. why… why would you want to even consider alcohol in those first few months after surgery? Alcohol has absolutely no nutritional value, it is nothing but liquid calories at best, and an activity that can have much more severe consequences post-op at worst. And I’m not even going to get in to possible addiction issues.

Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you not to drink, we’re adults. I’ve drank. But I was about 16 months post-op when I had my first beer and I had been at a pretty stable weight for 5 months at that point. And in the nearly two years since… I probably haven’t had enough to fill up a case yet. So yea… I’m not saying abstain entirely, but c’mon.. during that time when you’re losing… just… why?

And with some of the recent hub-bub going on regarding my doing the 5 Day Pouch Test, I was reminded of this simple word, why, once again.

Kaye Baily, the author/founder of 5DPT left a nice comment for me on my most recent posting and she basically (intentionally or not, I don’t know) reiterated my own feelings that it’s not the test itself… but rather why. Why are you deciding to do something like that… something that to many is no better than any number of the crash diets so many of us tried time and time again before surgery.

Just like we all have different reasons for having had surgery in the first place, we can have varying answers to a question like that… and I while I have my opinions… like the above one about drinking after surgery…  and even these answers are not always absolutes. Given the popularity of that funnel video one would think I’m the king of not drinking after meals, but I’ll be honest here – there have been times where I break the 30-minute rule.

Shocking, right? But for me it’s not about the what, it’s back to the why. Simply put, I was thirsty. I made a conscious decision, knowing I would likely have to be extra cautious of impending hunger because of that decision to take a drink of water. I wanted to take a drink, I was a aware of the why behind it, and can live with that decisions – no regrets. That’s not to say asking “why” gives you a free pass to breaking the rules, but I think for many of us, being more aware of not just what we do, but why, it keeps us so much more in the game than we ever were before.

So yea, while I have to say my answers are generally pretty damn good ones, I also can’t forget that they’re not the only ones. And what “works” for me… may not work for you. But to never ask the question, to never look at the why, is to continue to blindly stumble through things, never learning to make better decisions.

So it’s been a bit over a week since I finished up the 5 Day Pouch Test, and I’ve had a few people asking me questions about it… I sort of left the last posting stating how I likely wouldn’t know the impact for awhile, but let’s see if I can address some of things now.

How much weight did I lose? Well, I tried to be up-front and realistic in the fact that this isn’t… and shouldn’t be about losing weight in and of itself. If you go in to doing the 5DPT with the expectation of losing a bunch of weight that week, I think not only are you doing it “wrong”, but you’re doing it for the wrong reason.

Another regular on the BTV Forums posted some pretty passionate thoughts she had against the 5DPT. And yes, I had to stop of a moment as I read them to remind myself this was about the 5DPT and not about me. Least I don’t think it was. One of the arguments against it was that it’s simply another “crash diet”. While I disagree with the assertion that the 5DPT in and of itself is a crash diet – mainly because it isn’t presented as a way of losing a ton of weight – I have seen people treat it as such. The folks that feel they can go off the wagon and it’s ok, cause they’ll just do this every few months to “get back on track”. While maybe the original author could do more to dissuade this whole scenario, I don’t believe using it in this way is outright supported.

Does it fit a broader definition of “crash diet”? Yea… I suppose. But at the same time, how many folks who have had bariatric surgery out there rely on logging their food intake day in and day out? How many continue to count calories… or protein… or carbs? How many of these same folks blast programs such as Weight Watchers because they are “diets”? How is what they’re doing not a “diet”?

Yes, I personally tout eating a healthy diet. I use the “d-word” in the sense that diet is what you eat on a regular basis and that the by-product of a healthy diet is that you can reach and stay at a health weight. When talking about diet in general I am not using it in the sense of being something you “go-on” for a period of time with the specific goal of losing weight. I’m talking noun vs verb.

There’s probably more I could get in to here… but that’s for another posting I think.

So did I lose any weight? Maybe. I didn’t make a concerted effort to weigh before and after. I did weigh myself at one gym the Saturday before and at another gym the Friday I ended and there was a 1-2 pound difference towards losing. Can it be attributed to the 5DPT or was it just a difference in scales or some other factor, there’s no way to know for sure.

Overall, I did find myself eating better this last week. Possibly even eating less on average than I had been over the last few months.  And I am also eating better overall again, avoiding the junk better. But not entirely.

Can I attribute any of this to the 5DPT? I’m inclined overall to say not really. But again, it comes back to my original thoughts on using this as part of a mental-reset. And it’s also why I said it could take awhile to figure out if it’s helped even in that context.

Do I regret having tried it. No. Even if all it’s done is given me that first step back towards more mindful eating, towards getting myself back on track, on making me more aware of what I’m doing, what I’m eating, etc. Than I suppose it was worth it.

And I still ain’t buying the book.

To quote Ms. Black,

It’s Friday… Fri…day. Gotta get down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend

I’m almost to the finish line here.

So yea… last day of the pouch test, things are going fine I guess. I posted late last night cause it was nearly 11 by the time I got home so I was able to cover everything. This morning I had the rest of the taco meat I made. Side note, I did use grass-fed beef and I’m really impressed with just how much better it really does taste. Yes, it can be a bit more expensive…. but.. one thing I’ve been doing (but didn’t this time) is combine my cooked meat with either beans or whole grain to make it go further. I haven’t tried doing it for actual burgers yet, but I did make some Freekey Joes where I used a mix of meat and freekeh, a whole grain that turned out wonderfully.

So yea… I had about 9 ounces, it’s what was left after I portioned out the 8 ounces that I took with me yesterday for dinner. It wasn’t all beef though, I did have about  3/4 cup of onion that I cooked in there as well. And it filled me up pretty good. I had a protein shake at about 11 and I was feeling fine up until then. Though I am really thirsty today for some reason.

Another slight detour… kind of touching on some stuff from the other day… time spent in the bathroom. I’m making less trips the last day or so, but I know my intake of liquids isn’t any less, even if I haven’t been doing all liquids I’ve still been doing LOTS of water. As someone looking in to nutrition stuff and how digestion works and all that… it’s obviously because some of that liquid is being used to help in the digestion of the solid food I’ve had the last couple days so it’s basically just coming out the other end. So yea, I’m not sure why the fact that I was going so much earlier this week was any sort of shock. And not to gross anybody out or anything… but when it comes to volume in versus volume out… Well let’s just say even in my pre-op days where I would easily be eating two or three times as much food overall… I’ve never had to rely on my plunger so much as I have the last couple years. I don’t know if folks with bands and sleeves have to deal with that or if it’s just RNY and DS types with the malabsorption. But yea, if you’re looking at one of these surgeries, make sure your bathroom has a sturdy plunger at all time.

Ok, made it through the workday, my afternoon snack was some pickled herring, then dinner of some rotisserie chicken – actually a couple different times. I still had some chicken breast from what I cooked the other night, but I really wanted some dark meat. The rest of the evening has been getting some things done around home .. web stuff for the radio show, some wlsfa stuff, finish this posting and get ready for my first day of training at the new job tomorrow. All sorts of fun.

Overall, I think today has been the “easiest”, because first, I know I’m almost done with this and second, the food I’m eating is pretty normal.

Tomorrow may actually be the toughest day this week… because I’m going to be in training at Panera over lunch time…I’m sure they’re going to be wanting us to sample all sorts of stuff. And I will, but I’m going to limit myself to one or two bites. Not sure about dinner tomorrow yet, I want some vegetables. I have some broccoli, but I have a feeling it won’t have survived being in the fridge as long as it has. I have some squash I could roast. I don’t have an entree on hand though. Will have to look in the freezer. Oh, I have some tuna steak in the freezer, maybe that. Anyways, getting ahead of myself here. So yea, tomorrow and the days coming up may or may not be tougher simply because I don’t have these self-imposed “restrictions” any more. I mean other than the ones where I need to avoid the junk.

We’ll see….