All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
There’s a bit of a dispute over the origin of the above quote, but the message is sound. It’s not good enough to just not do evil things… if you don’t take an active role against it, evil will triumph.
Hate is a form of evil.
The conservative in me loathes things like “hate crimes”, but that’s dealing with our legal system. Here I’m just talking about hate, and the spread of such an evil even when it’s not a crime. For example… the following was posted by an anonymous account in the comments of a video posted by someone I know.
You Beth are one of the most hated people in this community and maybe one day you will see just how bad. Do everyone a favor LEAVE. Also what makes you think you can turn your gay husband straight?? Therapy he has been doing is NOT working but your enough to turn anyone gay
That comment was left on the video Beth posted of one of her kids playing in the ocean. The comment was removed. The account seems to have been created within the last 24 hours for the express purpose of leaving that comment.
This was a blatant example. Others have been not so blatant… like a FaceBook status update where someone who wasn’t at Vegas this year was lamenting the fact as she browsed some of the many photos having been uploaded about the event. I need to paraphrase this next part because I didn’t save it, and the person ended up removing the post, but after seeing a photos of a couple of husbands who’s wives are post-ops and part of the Bariatric Bad Girls Club sporting shirts that said ”BBGC Security”, she said something about how only they would do such a thing, or need them.
I think my response was the time was “wow. just wow.”
Lest anyone thing I’m being biased here, there was another recent explosion of drama that caused a lot of things to be said by a lot of people… many were able to limit their comments to the issue at hand. Some weren’t. Some attacked one of the people at the center of this with comments about smacking them upside the head with a water bottle or calling them other names. And before that, as people were returning from Vegas, there were disparaging comments made by someone because they were stuck on the same flight out as someone they didn’t care for.
It doesn’t make a difference to me that the latter items were posted in closed and/or small groups on FaceBook vs a public comment on a YouTube video, it’s all the same.
Disrespectful.
Bullying.
Stupid.
Hateful.
The stuff that happened in that group… I posted there about it, and I was ready to leave the group over it because I felt my thoughts weren’t going to be all too popular. I get that the targets of those feelings aren’t part of the group, I get how many in that group don’t like those folks… but doesn’t mean I believe it excuses those sorts of comments.
Now I get it. I get how sometimes we say things without thinking. We post online during times our emotions are running high, or maybe we’re just tired and not thinking fully about the consequences of what we’re about to say. It doesn’t excuse it, but it doesn’t do any good to think we won’t make mistakes here and there. But when those things happens… you can also do things to try and fix it. Remove the the comments, post retractions, post apologies, whatever. It’s not about the mistakes you make, it’s about how you go about making up for them.
And for those of us on the sidelines, it’s time to stand up and say something when we see this happening. When you see this crap happening, call them out on it. I’m not saying you need to post a public shaming or anything. But message the person, let them know you think what they said is inappropriate, just be calm and respectful about it. I know, it can be tough speaking up to a stranger – you never know how they might react. And it can be even tougher when it’s someone you know. Someone you like. But that’s when it’s most important. Sometimes we’re too blinded by our own emotions to clearly see what we’ve done. It’s times like those some simple words from a friend can help us see where we screwed up, can help bring us back to reality, can help put us back on track.
It’s tough, I know. But I think as more of us stand up, it will become easier.
So in those cases where it’s not a mistake, where it’s not a matter of emotions running high, when it is a case of true and intended maliciousnous - those are the times where we all need to be standing up against that sort of thing. I’m not talking witch-hunts or anything, just a simple response that “hey, that’s not cool”.
We need to let not just that person, but others as well know that this sort of stuff is not ok. That you, that I, that we want none of that. That we’re not going to just sit here and watch it happen.
That we’re not going to let evil triumph.
i so admire you for this
Rob… it is true… so true. There will eventually be a line that someone crosses to send the community into action. I just wonder if we, including me…. very much me… are ready to accept the responsibility of growing to meet the need you outline in this post. We can’t simply stand up to this horrible and degrading behavior… we have to live the examples we want to see. For this to work, I will have to throw down my cynical nature and really embody those qualities I hope to see in others. In many ways I want to, but it ends back with me retreating back to comfort.
I have told you on many occasions I admire your focused and well thought out approach… and it isn’t just your words… You live what you say… it is written in your actions and mannerisms… We need that… and I am glad we have it…. and hopefully… just hopefully… as we grow as a community, we can shake off the need to belittle, suppress, and crush others… I really should stop saying we… I am projecting myself onto others.. I should say that… I need to make a commitment to live in this way. I need to shake off those things and transcend higher. Anyways… I think I have had 10 hours of sleep total this week, so my filter is weakening and I start to spout verbose diatribe… but… I am learning…
Sam, It sounds cliche, but like to said, we should try to embody those qualities e hope to see in others. But we’re all a work in progress.
I’ve lived with years… decades… of social isolation. Reaching out to others under the best of circumstances was tough. To do so when you know there’s a chance for conflict… well.. yea… I’m still working on that myself.
I wish in some ways it was just about the whole “WLS community”, but it’s not.. I’ve seen it time and time again in various groups I’ve been a part of.
Get some rest and thanks for the comments, and good luck as you continue to “transcend”!
oh and i will strive for that because really thats not asking for much – your insights are always meaningful
As usual, very well said Rob. Unfortunately the anonymity of the internet allows for Dutch courage.
hey.. wait a sec.. I’m Dutch…
I don’t like any of the back and forth, but that stuff happens. People get heated about topics they believe in, and while they shouldn’t react emotionally, they do. But the level of hatred and viciousness that exists to post something like the piece you quoted from youtube above is completely beyond my comprehension. It is hateful, and so very specifically vicious that I don’t blame Beth for wanting to withdraw and quit. And posted on a video of her CHILD?!
Perhaps people disagree with some of Beth’s snarkiness. Perhaps they don’t necessarily agree with some of her views on WLS. Heck, I don’t even always agree with her. Obviously, she has ruffled some feathers. But what could be more human than posting a picture of one’s child playing in the waves? And you would think that the very humanity of that act would be enough to make someone who seriously dislikes Beth—for whatever reason—reconsider before hitting post on a comment like that. But since that didn’t stop them, it makes me seriously wonder about that person’s humanity, and the humanity of those who would condone that sort of attack as well.
I know that you often play Switzerland in every situation – and I appreciate your outside objective views – and your patience with everyone. You have a good interpretation of things – and I am glad I am not the only one seeing “it” for once.
Very well said Rob.
I might know who made that anonymous comment. Probably the same person who posted this in a Face Book Group (then blocked several who tried to call them out on their own behavior but not before someone was able to save a lot of the text before the thread was removed). This has gone beyond disagreements in the WLS community and this is a personal attack toward 2 different individuals, both well known in the community. The thread started out wondering how people could support these 2 people, called them bullies, etc. Pot meet kettle:
“Well they think they are [perfect] just ask them and one is married to a guy whom has told her he is gay but she has him into counseling to make him not and the other had her husband walk out on her after he saw her controlling side weeks after they married at last yrs meet and greet and she or they have the right to judge anyone really????
And these personal attacks/references in this specific comment did not mention names. But anyone in the WLS community would have no trouble figuring out who these people are, and they were mentioned in the original post of the thread. Disgusting human beings. They should be banned from Face Book. Hey, maybe I should report them.
Rob, I think you are such a compassionate, intellegent, couragious person.You are a true role model. I am so proud of the person you were, are and have become. I am thankful to know people like you exist and I am thankful to know you.
Thank you for your message here. I was bullied by someone in Vegas after a positive video I made suggesting others stop obsessing what everyone thought of their dress and how popular they were. I asked that everyone just come to Vegas with a smile. I was confronted by someone in Vegas who insisted my video was a negative bash on them. Instead of coming home and making a video about it~which I could have, I instead thought long and hard about how to handle the situation and took care of it without involving others or dragging others into it. One of the comments made to me was, “do I think it is okay to put down the strong to support the weak!” Let me say for the record I will support the weak any day! Behavior like that has no place in a supportive community of people trying to achieve the same goal!
I so admire your writing and believe truly in what you are saying. I have a daughter that is 14 and severely overweight and bullying changed who she is on the inside and it infuriates me that these bullies have the power to do that to her. It makes me feel like a failure that I didn’t instill more confidence in her “self” that some peon at school could convince her that her worth was so little. It has gotten to the point that she went from never meeting a person that she didn’t call friend, mostly happy and positive and active to being a recluse who doesn’t leave the house stays up at night and sleeps during the day and eats to fill that void she feels in her life. I’ve tried talking to her about it to see if I can help. I have taken her to her Dr and all they have to offer is medication for depression but she’d only take the meds for a couple of weeks and then refused to take them anymore because she didn’t like the way they made her feel. I’ve taken her to a psychologist but I can’t tell that is doing any good either. I’m at my wits end because I don’t know what else to do for her but love her and hope she pulls out of it as she gets through the teen years but she is tearing up her body in the meantime. She’s a very talented girl she loves to write and is an excellent writer and she is also an artist her only outlet is friends on the internet and her writing/drawing. I’m at a loss as to what to do to help her. Any suggestions?
Oh and by the way the Quote listed above and credited to Albert Einstein was actually written by Edmund Burke I just thought I’d let you know.