If you’re a WLS patient, and even if you’re not, you will have to have been living in a deep dark cave to have not heard about the recent bru-ha-ha over a blogger’s post on the Marie Claire website last week. I am not going to link you to the posting because I do not want to give MC any more clicks to their site.
Instead, I’ll post what is probably about the worst thing she said in her original posting;
So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair.
I don’t need Mrs Kelly to tell me I was not very attractive at 300… 350… or 370+ pounds. I don’t think I was. When talking to people on AOL ‘back in the day’, when asked about looks, I would often reply with something like “I’m no Tom Cruise, but I’m no Freddy Krueger either.” Or… “I’m more the John Candy type than George Clooney”. So yea, I really never thought of myself as attractive. But.. to be considered aesthetically displeasing just walking across a room? Ug.
I think it took a few days, but once word about this article spread, the back-lash was, well, unmerciful.
After a few hundred comments were made in response to her posting (which was a few hundred more than I think any of her other postings ever got), she added a rather… in my mind… pitiful excuse of an apology. Actually, it was like she was giving excuses, and not an apology.
I would like to reiterate that I think it’s great to have people of all shapes and healthy sizes represented in magazines (as, it bears mentioning here, they are in Marie Claire) and on TV shows — and that in my post, I was talking about a TV show that features people who are not simply a little overweight, but appear to be morbidly obese. (Morbid obesity is defined as 100 percent more than their ideal weight.) And for whatever it’s worth, I feel just as uncomfortable when I see an anorexic person as I do when I see someone who is morbidly obese, because I assume people suffering from eating disorders on either end of the spectrum are doing damage to their bodies, and that they are unhappy. But perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to judge based on superficial observations.
and…
a few commenters and one of my friends mentioned that my extreme reaction might have grown out of my own body issues, my history as an anorexic, and my life-long obsession with being thin..
There’s a lot that could be said about the overall topic of discussing the issues of obesity. But honestly, I think the letter from the board of directors of the WLSFA sums things up rather nicely. Basically, it’s a dialogue that needs to happen.
And it’s one that both sides of this need to take a look at. There have been over 3000 comments posted to the original item, and maybe a thousand others to the 4-5 articles Mrs Kelly has posted since. Many keep saying the same stuff over and over, going after Mrs. Kelly, her editor and Marie Claire. But many, way too many, are just downright… I can’t even think of the right word to describe them. But reading some other comments in her article on Halloween costumes brought up a posting that does seem to sum it up rather well.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Posted by: PainfulTruth
First, I’m not Kelly. I won’t call her “Maura” since I don’t know her from Adam, nor do I have any connection with MC. Nor do I agree with the thrust her initial post (although, again, I think at this point the level of disgust and hatred on her part in that post has been wildly over-exaggerated). I do think it’s hard to look at certain types of people for anyone, if people will be honest with themselves, but those people (including me, and you, and Kelly) need to get over it. We contain multitudes, as a great person once said, and can’t be broken down so simply (and I’ll reiterate that I don’t think she did that, at least not to the scope of people’s bile here). I’m a random guy who was linked to this and was initially just grossed out by the post (still am) but quickly got quite put off by what I believe turned into an ugly and unconstructive atmosphere in the comments.The apology that no one seems to accept: PudgyPorcupine came closest, but she was still wrong. The very first line says: “I would really like to apologize for the insensitive things I’ve said in this post.” Re-read it. She is genuinely sorry. The apology came well before most media started reporting on this, including almost all the large ones.
As far as “words hurt”: I agree. Her few words hurt. But at this point, a tsunami of hurtful words, both very personal and general, have flooded upon her for days. Did she deserve some? Sure. But some. We’re well beyond “some,” and many were beyond warranted to begin with.
Lastly, no: I won’t give you a break: why did people post her home address and phone over the net? To send a Halloween card? This was intimidation at best. At worst? Ugh.
Time to heal.
And because I found this one also rather appropriate, I’m including the comment made by PudgyPorcupine that was referenced in the above…
Friday, October 29, 2010
Posted by: PudgyPorcupine
I just want Maura to honestly apologize. Not a “Sorry you were offended.” But an honest to goddess apology. I’d like for her to actually go to some overweight people, treat them like human beings, see what our lives our like.Yesterday, I was mocked for treating myself to a meal out. I’d like for Maura to come with me, hear the mocking, see the stares. I’d like for her to come with me on the days that I have the courage to go out of my house for an hour long walk. The headphones block out the jeers from the cars, usually. But the staring isn’t blocked out by anything. Yeah, I’m short (5’2″), I’m overweight (250), but I’m trying, but people like you, Maura, hurt my determination. I disgust people? I have worked very hard to try to be adorable. Very hard, even at my weight, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job. But that’s easily shattered, because I remember the staring, the bullying, the hurt that I’ve endured. It makes me want to hide again, and find comfort in food.
I would love for Maura to show some compassion for people in my position. I’d love for her to research and learn that it’s not just what someone puts in their mouth that affects their size, but a ton of other factors in life that might have an effect on how they gain weight, and why. Such as stress, medications, chronic injury/illness. And yes, chronic overeating.
I think that Maura has a chance here. She can do like she’s doing now, and ignore everything that happened in the previous posting about overweight people, or she could really go in depth, and understand what’s going on.
My Halloween costume? A porcupine. People don’t always have to go for sexy. Even chunky can do adorable.
There were so many other responses that just fall so far outside the realm of anything that could be considered productive, and trust me, I’m far from the type to start throwing around terms like “politically correct”. I truly believe we have the right to say what we want. But we also have to take responsibility for what we say.
I don’t even want to post examples of the crap some of these people put out there. I just had trouble not being as disgusted by those sorts of responses as I was by the original post. But the two comments I shred above show me that this is a conversation that can still happen. That maybe something good can still come of all this.
And as for my “Mike and Molly Aren’t Normal” title… well, they’re not. No more so than the Huxtable family was, or the Bunker’s before them. It’s a sit-com after all.
Of course, that never stopped either All in the Family or The Cosby Show from tackling some of the most pressing social topics of their times. And if you’ll forgive the pun, maybe Mike and Molly will yet have the chance to tackle one of the biggest of our time.
Great post, Rob! Often times, it’s really easy to get swept up in the “women face so much image scrutiny about their weight!” movement, that we forget that words like these can be equally hurtful to men.
I’m really glad to hear a male point of view on this. Bravo!