Not too long ago I posted an item originally published by MeltingMama on Gastric Bypass and Alcohol. I’ve been meaning to address this some more since, but I’ve been busy and it sort of slipped to the dark corners in the back of my mind.
A recent posting on a forum I sometimes check out brought this back to the front of my mind again. Someone who is just 6-weeks post-op was asking “Just curious, to all you wine drinkers out there, How long did you wait till you had your first glass of wine?”
There were about nine responses by the time I found the thread, and the responses varied from 2-months to about 1-year, with most everyone agreeing you should wait 6-12 months. And there were plenty of warnings about making sure you weren’t driving, that you were with people you trust, etc.
Here was my response:
I think first you should ask yourself why you want a drink.
You just had a major surgery to lose weight, I’m assuming.
Alcohol is empty calories.
Is this any different than asking “how soon before I can have ice cream again?”
The reaction to this wasn’t quite what I was expecting.
Interesting but you dont have to be 18 or 21 to eat ice cream. Drinking dancing laughing parties – its something some people do and enjoy as adults. Meeting friends for movie and drinks, or football and beer is something people did before surgery and look to do after surgery as a social event. Romantic dinner with spouse, cocktail before dinner. Wine and cheese when entertaining friends.
I do thank you for making the point that we all are subject to transfer addiction. It is good that we discuss this openly and honestly – as many drink before that first year is up and its better that we talk about safe drinking rather than keeping it in the closet. If we demonize having a glass of wine, people do it in secret and that’s where the problems begin.
I do find that many who take a strong ‘no drinking’ stand have had personal issues with alcohol as post ops. I have friends who never drank before surgery who dabbled after surgery and developed serious problems with it – I know younger post ops who fall into serious problems with partying and doing shots.
So, while I’m trying to clarify my point over there, I figured I would post about it here as well.
My posting had nothing to do with transfer addiction. But let me get this out there… my dad is an alcoholic, 30+ years of being sober, but he’s still an alcoholic that attends AA on a weekly basis (maybe that’s why I believe support groups to be a major part of maintaining weight loss success, but that’s for another posting). My step-father was a drug addict and a dealer. I’ve got a dear friend who’s stayed clean from a gambling addiction for over 10 years now. I think I have a pretty good understanding of addictions and what they can do to people.
I spent a lot of time when I was younger worrying that I would become an alcoholic. I am beyond thankful that I don’t seem to have an addictive personality. I don’t believe my over-eating issues were of an addictive nature. So no, my first thoughts on this alcohol issue were not about addiction. And yes, I have drank since surgery. I had my first beers at just over 16 months post-op.
At that point I had hit my goal weight and been maintaining for over six months. In the end, it didn’t seem to do anything to me… or for me. Well, I did enjoy the taste. I didn’t have another beer until about four months after that. That was about three months ago, haven’t had a drink since.
My point was more about the impact on weight loss. I think we often forget, especially with the occasional media hype about the health benefits of red wine, that alcohol is just empty calories. Seven calories per gram of alcohol I believe.
How many times have we heard… or maybe you’ve even quoted the phrase “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels”. (I think I prefer using the word “healthy” over “thin” there.) It’s used to talk about how we resist the urge to have pizza, ice cream, brownies, chips, etc… so why not apply it to wine, beer, and other alcoholic drinks?
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t sit here and judge anyone that has an occasional “adult beverage”, even if you do so at two months post-op. But I really do think you need to look at why you are doing so – especially if you have not reached your goal weight yet. I believe that first year is sooo critical in building up your habits and maximizing your weight loss potential that it just doesn’t make sense to me to even consider putting alcohol in to the mix.
Yes, I know we all have our slip-ups during these times. I sure as heck know I wasn’t perfect. But when you are asking “How soon before I can have wine again?”, you are not making a “mistake”, it’s not an impulsive slip, you are making a conscious decision to hinder your weight loss. And that is just not something I can wrap my head around.
And for the record, yes, I’ve had ice cream now too. But I made it nearly three months longer than I did on the beer.
photo credit: Peace Love and Chocolate
Hey McNee: Thought provoking post (as ever). I have been exploring the concept of addiction very deeply of late, because my family was also alcoholic, etc.
I’ve learned that, even though WE (the sober ones) don’t “necessarily” become alcoholics, we still are affected by the disease. I always thought I was the healthy one in the family (LOL), until I started to understand my role in the illness. I’m thankful I am seeing how destructive and insidious addictions are, because I am experiencing tremendous recovery from the disease.
Oh, along the way, I uncovered the fact that I really am an addict, just not to alcohol or drugs.
Having said that, I do understand that your point was NOT about addiction (specifically) I can see that you were NOT trying to point fingers at anyone, nor were you passively trying to call someone out on a latent ADDICTION; I can see that you were looking at it from a healthy perspective, saying, “hey, an innocent behavior can quickly become an unhealthy habit. Be vigilant.”
It IS important to evaluate our motives. I know mine are NOT always pure, even though I want to think they are, and no one tells better lies to me, than ME ;-)
Anyway, I just wanted to throw in the fact that, children of addicts, or people who love addicts are all impacted (afflicted) by the disease of addiction; even if they aren’t addicted in the traditional sense.
Keep doing what you’re doing. I love the male perspective in our community.
I’ve read a number of books about it.. “Adult Children of Alcoholics” was one I think… and Louie Anderson’s book about dealing with his father… both were very good.
I spent a lot of my life denying that I had a problem, mostly because a) I wasn’t an alcoholic (like my grandfather who had 23 years sober when he died), b) no one told me that addiction was a FAMILY disease, c) I believed that my obesity was not a disease or an addiction, but was purely a character flaw. Try to get well when you think everything is your fault. Wow. I’m just thankful I am where I am now; knowledge is a powerful healer. Thanks for the thought-provoking stuff, my friend. This Bariatric After Life can be a messy business ;-)
Good post! I have different perspective. I grew up in a family that ran a family neighborhood bar. I was exposed to beer and liquor every day. My parents almost never drank. I ended up like them and only take an occasional drink. I agree they are empty calories but I drink so seldom. I think my surgeon would have more of an issue with carbonation of the Diet Coke in my Bacardi and Diet Coke. I have embraced an attitude post-op that moderation of almost anything is acceptable. The issue is when you abuse it.
Yea, growing up my mom was a bartender, and a social drinker. Maybe I got the right combination of “fear” from my dad’s situation and “respect” for alcohol learned by watching mom to keep it from ever being an issue for me.
I grew up in a house with a parent who is a daughter of addicts.
They poured liquor DOWN THE DRAIN. None. Ever. Gone.
I didn’t ever have the “taste” — or the want for it alcohol.
My husband is a child of an addict, who works in a bar. He doesn’t even want the stuff NEAR the house, just in case. It’s so very familial.
Right on.
If you feel compelled to ask yourself “can I have it yet?”
Dig deeper.
‘zactly. I’m far from a model of ‘perfect post-op behavior’. I have my… indulgences… we’ll call them. I think part of developing a healthy life-style (post-op or otherwise) is getting away from the “can’t” and shifting your focus on “won’t”. Making informed, thought out decisions based on what is good for you.
I am the model of IMPERFECT POST OP BEHAVIOR.
There is NO CAN’T in my vocabulary – HOWEVER – when it comes to DANGEROUS, life-altering, addictive substances that have no meaning in your life?
No thanks. I won’t. I can if I choose to, but it’s not a big deal to me.
(I don’t see alcohol as food though – I’m not that attached to food either. Food makes me sick – makes life a living hell often – I’d often like to be attached to a glucose bag. But, that’s the WLS talking. Not 320 lb Beth who often liked ice cream.)
But, as soon as I need to ask “When can we drink?”
THAT IS THE RED FLAG.
Others suggest that they need to have it — as a social lubricant and sleeping pill, is a slippery slope — because there are so many that watch this behavior as a cue, “If it’s okay for them, it’s okay for me, I guess?”
I had 2 ounces of wine at my daughter’s house nearly 2 years out, it was strictly curiosity. I could feel the effects almost instantly and have no desire to do that again.
My first post-op drinking was three or four beers over the course of about three hours. Never even got a buzz. I didn’t try driving for HOURS after though (was at a BBQ at a friend’s place), cause I knew even if I wasn’t feeling it my BAC was likely way up there.
If I have wine with dinner (Big no no drinking with food)
I have about 6 sips and let the hubs finish it b/c Wine and Kierie don’t mix
If I’m out I either have a whiskey on the rocks. . .you can’t drink it fast! or a diet coke with vodka. I’m just as pleased to have a water with lime or a diet coke. . .I’ve never been an alco but there was a time I was friends with a functioning alcoholic and I never realized how much we drank together until I went out with friends (without him) that weren’t big drinkers and it felt weird not to be drinking
That’s when I started to watch myself b/c Addictive compulsion is there it could be anything
It most certainly is food!
See, now pop.. that’s the one thing I could see me being addicted to. It’s been 26 months and I don’t even wanna touch diet soda, cause I don’t dump on sugar and I know it would be a slippery slope for me to start drinking Coke again.
I have a different perspective. I’m not big on alcohol and probably drink the same or even less after WLS. (My 10 drinks a year seem to have shrunk down to 4 this past year, but it’s too early to know if it’s a trend.)
So, yeah, I waited until I was pretty far along the weight loss path to have some. Why not? It’s not something I enjoy enough to care.
But I had a cookie at a party 2 months after my surgery. It was good too. Having it didn’t impede my weight loss to any significant degree either. I incorporated it into the day’s calories and I didn’t even go over on carbs that day because I made everything else low or no carb.
Everyone has their foods/drinks that are “worth it” to them, that aren’t particularly nutritious but for whatever reason the cost is acceptable. For some it’s cookies, for some it’s Cheetos, for some it’s pizza and for some it’s beer or wine or other alcohols.
I do think some people who ask “when can I drink again pretty early out?” are looking for permission to do something they know they shouldn’t. But some just want to be told what to do all the time and others are just trying to figure out how to incorporate their favorite indulgences into their post-op lifestyle without derailing their weight loss.
It is possible to incorporate alcohol and not have it derail your weight loss or maintenance. But you can’t just do whatever you did pre-op without thought so asking other people what they do can be helpful to you figuring out what your approach is going to be.