I think anyone who has had kids, babysat kids, has had young kids as nieces or nephews, whatever… we all know that kids reach a certain age and they go through the “why stage”. Where it seems like the only word in their vocabulary is “why?”. I don’t need to give examples, you know what I’m talking about. And I think we all get to that point where we break down and answer “because”. “Because it is.” Because I said so”, and so on.
Well, I think we all need to revert back to childhood a bit and start asking “why?” a lot more.
If you’re a pre-op, you are going to be getting a ton of information thrown at you as you prepare for bariatric surgery. Please, don’t ever be afraid to ask why. Why can’t I can drink with my meals? Why do I need to focus on protein first? Why do I need to take so many supplements. Ask away! Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more prepared you will be. What other cliches can I throw at you here?
I’m serious though. Ask questions… of your doctor, your nurse, your surgeon, your peers. Especially your weight loss surgery peers – most of us never get tired of helping others down the wonderful road we’ve taken ourselves.
But asking “why” doesn’t stop there. Last year I took a bit of flack on a forum out there for asking “why”. See, someone had posted a question asking how soon after surgery before they could start drinking wine again. There were the usual answers.. “at least a year”, “what does your surgeon say”, things like that. But I felt there was a key question missing there. “Why?”
With everything we put ourselves through in order to prepare for, get through and survive this surgery…. why… why would you want to even consider alcohol in those first few months after surgery? Alcohol has absolutely no nutritional value, it is nothing but liquid calories at best, and an activity that can have much more severe consequences post-op at worst. And I’m not even going to get in to possible addiction issues.
Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you not to drink, we’re adults. I’ve drank. But I was about 16 months post-op when I had my first beer and I had been at a pretty stable weight for 5 months at that point. And in the nearly two years since… I probably haven’t had enough to fill up a case yet. So yea… I’m not saying abstain entirely, but c’mon.. during that time when you’re losing… just… why?
And with some of the recent hub-bub going on regarding my doing the 5 Day Pouch Test, I was reminded of this simple word, why, once again.
Kaye Baily, the author/founder of 5DPT left a nice comment for me on my most recent posting and she basically (intentionally or not, I don’t know) reiterated my own feelings that it’s not the test itself… but rather why. Why are you deciding to do something like that… something that to many is no better than any number of the crash diets so many of us tried time and time again before surgery.
Just like we all have different reasons for having had surgery in the first place, we can have varying answers to a question like that… and I while I have my opinions… like the above one about drinking after surgery… and even these answers are not always absolutes. Given the popularity of that funnel video one would think I’m the king of not drinking after meals, but I’ll be honest here – there have been times where I break the 30-minute rule.
Shocking, right? But for me it’s not about the what, it’s back to the why. Simply put, I was thirsty. I made a conscious decision, knowing I would likely have to be extra cautious of impending hunger because of that decision to take a drink of water. I wanted to take a drink, I was a aware of the why behind it, and can live with that decisions – no regrets. That’s not to say asking “why” gives you a free pass to breaking the rules, but I think for many of us, being more aware of not just what we do, but why, it keeps us so much more in the game than we ever were before.
So yea, while I have to say my answers are generally pretty damn good ones, I also can’t forget that they’re not the only ones. And what “works” for me… may not work for you. But to never ask the question, to never look at the why, is to continue to blindly stumble through things, never learning to make better decisions.
HI again Rob – thanks for the kind words. I think you are spot-on here with the 5DPT being a means to answering the “WHY” question. As I have observed and helped people with this little plan I’ve found the most frequently asked question is, “Why (or how) did I lose the storm of enthusiasm that got me to the point of surgery in the first place?” The follow-up question is obvious I think, almost everyone who is feeling hopeless and defeated asks “How do I get the storm of enthusiasm back?” which has a lot more to do with managing the mind and spirit than it has to do with the nutritional repository we so fondly call our little pouch.
It has been my experience that when people hit this low they need a hand to hold and a path to follow. It is these people with whom I empathize. The people who make hasty conclusions without even bothering to to read the plan are spared my compassion. (how delicate was that said?!)
Rob — Would you be kind enough to send me your postal address via email to my address above? I have been constructing an email message to you off/on today and will try to get it finished tonight or early a.m. (been a total Monday on Tuesday for me!! UGH!)
I think you are terrific and bless you for sharing your insight. You be a good “ForeverFineDude” FFD – that’s what it stands for, correct?
Was I kind? I have to go back and read what I wrote… it was a sort of stream of consciousness thing this afternoon. I think it was less than 20 min from start of typing to clicking publish.. heh.
But yes… you make a make a good point about another “why”. I almost joked about how asking why is a good thing, but we tend to beat it out of kids… then thought that may come across a lil… badly. heh.
the coursework I’m currently taking has an area where they talk about “primary foods”, they are not the foods we consume but .. maybe food for the soul… they include relationships, spirituality, career and physical activity and if any of those four our out of whack, it doesn’t matter how well we eat nutritionally, we’ll continue to be overall out of whack ourselves.
It’s late, I’m rambling… I’ll shoot you my email and go to bed now :>
Rob,
I think this is a good piece, we do all need to ask “why” a lot more then we do. But we also shouldn’t yell at someone if they break a rule or not, Why you ask because we are all adults and it’s not going to affect me anyway shape or form. Your the one that has to live with your decision not I. I can only be accountable for myself and if you want to do the 5 day Pouch Test, then who am I to say anything. If someone wants to ask me a question, I’m happy to help but again I can’t make you do anything that you don’t want too do.
Berrigirl
When I saw the title of this, I immediately thought that this was a blog post about children asking “why are you fat?” (I answered that question more times than I can even count!) Instead, I read an entry that gave me pause to think about my actions – even at four years out and having recently lost 25 lbs again. Such a simple word/question, but so, so, so important.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my lack of pre-surgery therapy and how much I struggled emotionally and how I coped after I no longer had food as my medication. I wish that during that time I had someone stopping me and saying, “WHY?” and making me really contemplate my actions/needs/behaviors at this time.
This simple little word, and your insight into why it’s so important is probably going to help many, many people. Re-posting on my blog. Thanks for being awesome, Rob!
PS – why is there no way to reblog on WordPress? Does WP not offer that function? I don’t know…just curious!