I originally posted the stuff below three years ago on my personal site… and with today being Mother’s Day I was reminded of it… with an additional thought. Recently in one of the support groups I attend, telling others about the decision to have weight loss surgery came up. I was pretty lucky I think – I didn’t get any sort of negative feedback from anyone.

Maybe the closest to it came from my mom – she had reservations… but they were of the very best kind.

She didn’t express anything negative about the surgery, I think because she has a number of co-workers who have been through the surgery. Heck, I had a very nice leather jacket compliments of one of her co-workers who had the surgery and it was too big for him now. (I gave that jacket to someone else when it became too big for me.) No, all of her reservations I believe were strictly for my safety. Not because she had issues with the surgery… but simply because I’m her son. And while I’m sure my being morbidly obese also caused her concern, any time someone you love “goes under the knife”, there’s a level of concern that bubbles to the surface.

She was there (along with Dad) when I was wheeled away… and she was there when I woke up. And true to form, she’s “been there” ever since, just like she always has been.

Anyways… here’s what I wrote a few years back…I was listening to one of the local talk stations yesterday while heading out to the paintball field, and they were taking calls for listeners to tell why their mom is the coolest. I would have called in, but talking on the phone will driving a Jeep is difficult at best. Too much background noise.

So I decided I would post what I would have said to the radio guy…

This needs some setting up…

Back in fifth grade I had this teacher, Mrs. Swanson. She was your stereotypical … nasty teacher. Big hair, glasses, grating voice. And I used to swear she had it out for me. I’m old and senile now, so I don’t remember a lot of specifics… but there was the one time she almost gave me detention for touching a 9-volt battery to my tongue. We were doing some science stuff that had to do with electricity, so we had an assortment of batteries. You put a 9-volt in front of group of boys, and what are they gonna do? They’re gonna touch their tongues to it. Anyways, she caught me doing so and yelled bout how I was going to get electrocuted or something.

Anyways, that spring, with just a few weeks left in the school year, we were out playing softball and I was our team captain. Being the captain, I had to talk to the team while they were on the bench waiting to bat, right? Figure out who is batting next, fun stuff like that. Well, Mrs. Swanson started yelling at me for turning my back on the batter… I guess she was afraid I was gonna get clocked in the back of the head by a foul ball? ( nevermind that from home plate to the bench I would have had just as much a chance of getting out of the way of a line-drive foul facing it or not.) So being the mature fifth grader that I was I politely apologized and moved to go back around the bench or something, muttering a single word under my breath. A word which also happens to be the dictionary term for a female dog.

“What did you say?” she screeched.. Ok, here I admit the limits of the fifth grade mind. My snappy comeback was about how I had an “itch”.

I was doomed. I had to write out about 20-25 times “I will not call Mrs. Swanson a bitch.” and bring it home to be signed by my mom. And just to further prove the limits of the fifth grade mind, me an my friends (who of course thought what I said was cool) figured we would forge my mom’s signature. After repeated attempts, it was painfully obvious none of us boys were going to duplicate the flowing, feminine curves of my mothers signature.

Then I realized, wait… I can forge my own writing! Thank goodness they did not let fifth graders near pens for school work. I quickly erased all the B’s and chanced them to W’s. (making it seem as if I only called her a “witch” for those keeping score.) And my plan probably would have worked with me getting maybe just a few days to a weeks worth of grounding… if it wasn’t for the fact where my mom needed to sign the paper, it was painfully obvious numerous attempts to sign for her and erease it had not already been made.

The sentence: Grounding. Two weeks.

Now we’re finally to the “why my mom is the coolest” part of the story.

Years later, she and I were having dinner and just talking. Somehow, the topic of fifth grade and Mrs. Swanson came up and I decided since over twenty years had passed, the statute of limitations surely had expired, so it was safe for me to confess to her my true crime and what I had done all those years earlier.

After a moments pause, her response was a simple. “You’re right, looking back, she kind of was a bitch.”

Love ya mom…

I am reading Cycling Past 50, a book by Joe Friel. It caught my eye while I was browsing at Barnes and Noble. I guess that by buying it I am acknowledging that I have entered that senior threshold. The book jacket, table of contents and introduction seemed to tell me that it was a book I needed to read.

It is a good read with the author being a seasoned cyclist. He gives insight into how fitness and perception of fitness changes with age. His assertions are distilled from many research studies. The studies show that if we remain physically active, our fitness level stays with us with some degree of decrease. There is truth in “use it or lose it”. If we fail to use muscles, our bodies allow muscle mass to wither. It sees them as burdens easier to abandon rather than keep as beneficial parts of our body.

One fitness message comes out loud and clear. Most of the limitations we place on fitness are self imposed. I know I am not alone in being able to come up with an endless list of reasons why I could not exercise this morning. An interesting thing about what Joe Friel says is that it can be applied to a far broader audience. Focusing yourself to be physically fit at all ages is a challenge that all people face.

The book has a list of seven simple rules to enjoying riding for a long time that is a perfect list of things we all need to follow. Although these rules are written in context of cycling past 50, I have taken liberty below of giving context of these rules to engaging in fitness as weight loss surgery patients.

7 Simple Rules to Enjoy Fitness after Weight Loss Surgery

1. Exercise Frequently – Make it a goal to wear out those running shoes, bicycles, workout outfits, and sporting goods. This is a good sign that you enjoying the benefits by using them frequently.
2. Rest Regularly –Balance fitness activities with periods of rest. This cycle of increasing the level of exercise with down time keeps your body on the edge and in a continuous loop of improvement.
3. Set Challenging Goals – Always expect the best of yourself and challenge yourself to reach a higher level even after completing what you saw as an unobtainable goal. Apply this rule to all areas of your life.
4. Eat Like a Hunter Gatherer – This message is right on for bariatric patients. Eat natural foods concentrating on fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains and plenty of water.
5. Believe in Yourself – Remind yourself where you have been and leverage your experiences to grow and learn more. A positive attitude will take you far in your fitness journey.
6. Seek the Support of Others – You define yourself by the people who surround you. By cultivating a community of positive enthusiastic people, you become a happier more focused person
7. Don’t Slow Down – Life continues to unfold in front of us. Don’t let it get away. Vigor and energy is strong medicine you need to use to keep on track and live that happy, full life.

How will you live these seven simple rules? We each live them in our own way. I would love to say that being physically fit is easy for me. The truth is that it is not. I see my Lapband surgery as a life event that enables me to be a more physically fit person. The road to fitness may have started on the operating table, but I am the person who makes it a reality through my daily workout routines and cycling. I will keep these seven rules in mind as I continue my personal journey to fitness. Will you?

Tom Bilcze
Blogger of Beariatric.com

Originally posted October 20, 2010

In the further adventures towards a possible weight loss surgery (WLS), I received “health history form” from the doctors at the Bariatric clinic. It’s 15 pages of questions and such asking me about everything from alergies and current medications to family health issues and eating patterns, including questions on my psychological and social history. Oh, I did get to skip most of one page that was devoted to “female” stuff.

I’ve got most of it filled out. Need to talk to some family members about a few of their history items, and add in some stuff on my current meds… but other than that I just have the last page to do. This last page states the following: “Why I want this surgery” In my own words.” followed by Write in you own hand writing, using your own words to express why you want to have weight loss surgery. Include your understanding and expectations of the surgery. Include physical and emotional benefits you hope to experience from weight loss.

On the surface, it seems a pretty simple question, with a simple “I don’t want to be fat” type answer.

But as I have been thinking more the last day or so, maybe it isn’t so simple… especially when you throw in part about “understanding and expectations” and “physical and emotional benefits”. Sure, the physical are pretty straight forward. Less joint issues, no more high blood pressure, bout eliminate possibly ending up with diabetes, etc, etc.

Emotional benefits – hmmm. Not quite as sure there. Is losing weight automatically going to make me “happy”? No… I mean, It isn’t like I’m depressed now. Does losing weight mean I’m suddenly going to find ‘the one’ for me, get married and live happily ever after? mmm… doubtful. But will I be… happier? Well, I would hope so. I think emotionally, a lot of my down time of late has to do with not being able to do things I could just a couple year ago. Easily get down on the floor and play with my niece and nephew, play paintball all day, go for walks around Lake Phalen with my friend Chelle, and at some point maybe taking up riding a bike again. So yea, if those things are physically easier to do because I lose weight… cripes, being able to shop at most stores, even if I’m still a XXL instead of XXXL or XXXXL, those things will make me happier. Then maybe I can focus on things that will make me “happy”.

This surgery, quite simply, is a huge deal. There’s no getting around that. But the last 30+ years have shown me that this is not something I can tackle with out help. I’ve known for years that I need to make a life-style change to get rid of and keep the weight off. I haven’t been able to make that change through just changing some habits, I need some help.

This is not going to be some sort of wave of a magic wand solution, where once I have the surgery everything will be sunshine and flowers. There are still going to be a lot of challenges, a lot of ups an downs. In many ways, the same sort of ups and downs I’d face no matter how I was trying to lose the weight. But I feel I’m running out of time.

I will probably use some of what I wrote here in answering the question for the doctors. I’m still, pondering a bit. But a few friends that I’ve talked about this with have been very encouraging. It is … good to know I have friends that care, have been concerned about me as I’ve been gaining weight the last few years… and will be there to help if I need the support, no matter which way this process takes me.

There’s not enough time in the day for me to keep up with all the reading I like to do online… be it the WLS forums, paintball, tech stuff, food and cooking. Now you add in YouTube videos from all the WLS people I’m getting to know through twitter and such… and it’s… cripes… I need to win the lottery so I can do nothing but exercise and browse online.

Speaking of YouTube, I’ve contacted a few WLS type dudes on there to see if any would be interested in contributing stuff to the FFD site. It’s still my goal to bring in others to contribute here cause mine is not the only perspective on this. And as part of that, I’m also going to try and start sharing some of the videos I find while browsing around over there.

AJ, better known as watchmegetskinny, did a recent video that touched on the importance of support when going through .. well, whatever you’re going through basically. And since I’ve been focusing on that in preparation for some support group facilitation stuff I’m doing, I thought I would pop it up here.

His attitude on this topic does mirror mine quite a bit, and I’ve started bugging him to maybe do some regular contributions here on FFD… either writing or videos, he’s much more adept at the video thing than I am I think. He actually found me after I posted my applesauce demo video on drinking and eating, and is looking at doing his own take on it I believe.

So yea, I figured I’d try and nudge him a bit by including one of his other videos here for now.. heh.

There’s been a bit of a discussion on the BTV forums about support groups… and I happened to take workshop for support group facilitators last week… so I thought I would touch on a few things I took from that class here and there.

I’ve been going to a support group at least twice a month since a couple months before my surgery.. hmm.. about a year now.

Maybe the first thing to look at is just what a support group is, according to Merriam-Webster; “a group of people with common experiences and concerns who provide emotional and moral support for one another”.

Probably one of the most well-known support groups out there would be Alcoholics Anonymous, but support groups are not just about addictions. The “common experience” can be an illness (mental or physical), a loss of some sort, or a shared experience such as victims of a natural disaster.

Something to keep in mind is that a support group is not a therapy group. They are generally an group of individuals organized around a common experience and often are simply facilitated by a member of the group. The focus tends to be on supportive communication, not necessarily on resolution of the deeper issues. Support groups can be very positive experiences for the participants, but they can also trigger deeper issues.

The Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders has a pretty decent, more in depth look at what support groups are.

In the workshop, one of the first things the instructor said is one of the things I think really sums up what a support group.. should be.

A support group is a place where you can honestly answer the question “how are you?”

Support groups create a nuturing, safe environment filled with people that have something in common, be it weight loss surgery, loss of a loved one, fighting cancer, or dealing with an addiction.

“It’s one thing to lose something, it’s another when nobody in your universe realizes it.”

Friends and family may love you and have nothing but the best of intentions, and can be very supportive, but there is something to the whole bit about how if you haven’t “been there”, you can’t really “get it”.

Ok, so all that said… where can you find a support group?

Start out with your surgeon’s office. Most places will have groups through their office or the hospital they’re associated with, and often these will be free to attend.

Most surgeons and insurance companies are going to require a psychological evaluation before surgery. Check with them, this is how I found the primary support group I attend.

Another source is online. The number of online sites that focus not just on weight loss but on bariatric surgies is growing all the time, using online discussion forums to bring folks together. Some are focused on a specific surgery type, but most are about WLS in general but may have sub-sections specific to the various surgeries. Even the hospital I had my surgery at has an online area as a way to get additional support.

Of course I can’t recommend the forums at bariatrictv.com enough. While I’ve checked out a number of sites over the last year or so, BTV is one I’ve always felt comfortable at. (Feel free to recommend your favorite in the comments.)

Be it in person, online, or a mix of both, finding a group (or groups) you are comfortable with is the key to this though. If you can’t become comfortable in the group, you won’t be able to give an honest answer to that question “how are you?”.